Things Harry Potter Taught Me 4
by Sinkme
Summary: Fourth installment of the riveting series. Since the fourth book was long in epic proportions compared to the first three books, this list has 35 points rather than the usual 25. Enjoy!


What Harry Potter (and the Goblet of Fire) taught me:

1. As a child who waited up until midnight in order to be the first one in the town to get the book, it is a horrible idea to then start to read the book in a pitch black room with a flashlight in the middle of the night, next to the _closet_. Chapter 1 is extremely suspenseful, folks, and closets make all kinds of strange noises when you think a giant snake is suddenly in your room.

2. When visiting Muggles for the first time to relieve them of their nephew whom they hate, make sure to arrive in the most intrusive and obnoxiously magical way possible, and then be sure to leave their son a minorly cursed candy

3. Bartemius Crouch is a funny name (then again, there are a lot of odd names in this universe)

4. Despite his brief appearances, Amos Diggory might be one of the most unintentionally annoying men in the entire series (it probably bothered the hell out of him when his son was sorted into Hufflepuff)

5. If you have a site manager who needs a Memory Charm performed on him ten times a day because he is a Muggle, you might want to review why you hired him to work at the Quidditch World Cup

6. If you are awoken in the middle of the night with screams and general mayhem, definitely send all of the underage wizards/witches off alone

7. As a general rule of thumb, for the rest of the series it is a safe bet to assume that anyone who works for the Ministry (with the exception of those in the Order) are inept morons who will actually make it harder for the good guys to do what they have to do in order to save the unsurprisingly useless masses (aka the 'greater good')

8. The Wizarding world has both institutionalized and subtle forms of slavery, discrimination, and racism against both humans and non-humans as a part of their government, and the best attempt at a revolution we've seen in the books is S.P.E.W

9. It is not at all surprising that upon learning that the madman who killed your parents is out to get you, you do nothing to learn about his previous reign of power and are therefore clueless as to the true meaning of the Dark Mark floating in the sky or who Death Eaters are

10. Moody makes the single coolest entrance of any character in the entire series

11. It makes a lot of sense for the students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons to stay at Hogwarts for the entire year. After all, it's not like the three events are spread out over months, and no one can use a Portkey or disapparate to get close to Hogwarts for just the day of the event and then go back to their school for the rest of their time. Because let's be real...a competition between schools is not really fostering any kind of friendship

12. Apparently the use of any one of the Unforgivable Curses _isn't_ enough to send you straight to Azkaban, since Moody uses _all three_ in front of a classroom of students and then uses the Imperius Curse _on them repeatedly_ later

13. There is no way to block the Killing Curse with a spell, but have they really tried _every_ shield spell, or did they stop after the first five researchers bit the dust?

14. If you want to get support for your cause, think of a better acronym than S.P.E.W (or have a really hot girl endorse it. At least then the guys will sign up)

15. Contracts are more important to Ministry officials (and Dumbledore) than the fact that a fourteen year old is most likely going to die in a _game_

16. Rita Skeeter is a horrendously inaccurate writer but you have to laugh at the fact that people believe what she writes

17. If you're competing in a tournament you should do the sporting thing and tell your opponent what the first task will be, despite the huge advantage you would have by keeping him in the dark

18. If you have an Egg Clue that shrieks horribly every time you open it, wait until you're under an Invisibility Cloak and sitting behind Draco Malfoy before opening it

19. Make sure to be a jerk when asking a friend to the Yule Ball, after all, girls are well known for being emotionally stable in their teenage years, especially when it comes to boys and dances

20. Myrtle is freaking creepy. Is it child molestation if she's technically still a teenager even though she's been a ghost for fifty years?

21. Lending the Marauder's Map to _anyone_ (other than your best friends) is a very very bad idea

22. When all else fails, it's Snape's fault that Harry's in trouble and/or a life threatening situation

23. In a semi-international tournament which is hosting students at Hogwarts from two other schools it's a safe bet that the underage hostages at the bottom of the lake would be drowned in the event that their champion (Fleur) was an utter failure and didn't reach them in time

24. If your godfather really loves you he'll eat rats while hiding out nearby

25. If you're about to head into a huge maze with lots of challenges and creatures, make sure to brush up on your _elementary_ hexes and jinxes. They'll probably be super useful

26. Despite being portrayed by the same actor (who is not that good looking), Cedric is _not _a vampire, as evidenced by the fact that he died

27. If you want to keep your resurrection quiet, make sure to have your self-proclaimed archenemy on hand. Because that kid _definitely _hasn't escaped from you twice in the last three years

28. The fact that Voldemort used part of Pettigrew, his Muggle father, and the noblest idiot-who-lived might explain his failures after his resurrection

29. It is freakishly foreshadowing that Pettigrew was gifted with a _silver_ hand, indicating a confrontation with his werewolf friend in the future (a revenge which, frankly, the seventh book was sorely lacking. Seriously. Strangled to death by his own hand?)

30. If you and your enemy are locked in a wand duel with neither party capable of moving away for fear of being hit, it is time to realize that death by henchman is _not_ too good for the boy who you want dead more than anyone else

31. It might not be a bad idea to institute a series of tests that potential Defense Against the Dark Arts must pass, given the horrendous track record of the past four years

32. Fudge is dangerously incompetent. First point: Who brings a Dementor for personal protection? Were all the Aurors busy with _not_ chasing Voldemort and his Death Eaters? Second point: Who brings a Dementor _into a school_? They're actually lucky that the only one who got Kissed was Crouch

33. Hermione is much more cunning and ruthless than I previously gave her credit for

34. Either Dumbledore is a huge asshole (which I think he kind of is) or wizards don't have psychologists, which would explain why Harry received no kind of counseling after witnessing the death of a classmate, being forced to participate in a ceremony to bring the Dark Lord back to life, dueling the guy, being confronted with the images of said dead classmate, a bunch of other people, and _his parents_, and then being dragged away by someone who he trusted for an entire year only to find out that it was an impostor who actually wanted to kill him.

35. Right about now would be a good time for several of the main characters to take out life insurance policies if wizards have such things


End file.
